So, I have some big decisions to make for me and the boys in the future. Right now I am waiting on God. I am in no hurry to make the decisions until I know it's time.
Boy, waiting is hard.
Something happened the other day that left me feeling hopeless. I have developed a numbness that allows me to "stay strong" and not cry like a baby every day. But that night I went to bed crying. A big part of me wanted to give up. But giving up means taking some steps that I never ever wanted to take in my life. The phrase, "between a rock and a hard place" entered my mind, and that's how I felt. I cried to God to tell me what to do. And then I listened, hoping I'd hear His voice. But I heard nothing.
The next day we did our usual routine. I took my 3-year old to his speech therapist's home that morning before going into work. After his therapy, his therapist walked out to the car with us, offering to help load the boys, talking to my 22-month old. She never walks to the car with us. And it was a cold morning. She had no shoes or socks on and no jacket. So I thought it was odd that she was even out there with us.
After I loaded the boys up, she said something to me. She said that she wanted to encourage me not to give up. I knew instantly within the core of my being that it was from God, and my eyes started watering. She asked to pray with me, and what she prayed was exactly what was going on in me. I thanked her and told her I needed to hear it.
Sometimes I want to be "special" and hear God's audible voice so that I know that I know that I know it's Him. But then it wouldn't be faith, would it? Maybe the second best scenario is for Him to send a message through one of His believers.
So now I know the path I am supposed to be on right now, and that's not to give up. And I heard it from God himself. And that's all I need to know right now.